DIVINELEVEN

烦。因为我是凡人。。。年度大挑战。真的受挑战了。第一次帮人家改装化妆，想起来。。。还真有点令人叹为观止。。不可思议的神迹发生了。那是第一件而已。话语大能。。。剩两三天时间，足够吗？罗葛斯－－－>睿玛OH DID I WRITE IT CORRECTLY=.=”…nothing is impossible through he who strengthens me.spent sleepless nights on it.revelations.was so tired bt he who lives in me is greater than myself,my physic.当肉体开始软弱了，借着祷告，里面开始涌出活水的江河，真的看到那专心等候耶和华的，必要从新得力。with my own might i couldn’t have made it through.a new team,a rookie team.difficult to believe we could get d highest mark but it’s jz faith dat made it all come to pass.d 2nd 1.praise god.prayer challenge..tough.all is tough with me.look up,n its millions stars up thr.strength,hope,love,wisdom,courage,n even faith.all that i needed were all up thr in d stars.wonderful promises of god.i can be so faithless stimes.n so weak stimes.so sinful n so vile stimes.but he is all-merciful.no wonder it is called d Amazing grace.d 3rd 1.当你把所有才干从手中献上时，视野的框框开始扩展、扩大。进入另一个层次。更上一层楼。要看到更大的神迹，要爬到最高的那层介台，就是神的视野，神的心意。wen it cum2cgm,2many times lds put on their own standards on them.d chalenge is meant to mould them,not to let them think dat they’re useless.bt wen we start2let go n let God.we c god’s hands working in their lives.metamorphosis.what is win n lose if we cn c further beyond in 10 or 20 yrs in their lives?

the cancer ward.been frequenting it lately.sighs.seeing her lying thr with inconsistent consciousness.my heart bleeds inside.how can someone not staying at home cooking n quarreling with the teenage kids?instead jz lying thr,helpless n hopeless.reli saddened me.jz today,after muc prayer,i trust even deep down in my unconscious that indeed God is Jehovah Jireh.dat he had indeed healed her disease.nothing can be done when she is struggling on the fine divider of life and death,but only Jesus can do it.wad about other patients i wonder.i long for them to just put down their guards and stubbornness to just come and experience Jesus.this One True God of heavens and earth.what can human do?the money they earn wont heal her.the food they give her wont heal her.whr is the cure within human limit?whr is the answer within human wisdom?Jesus is the answer for all questions.just ask n keep on asking.ul findhim at the end of the road.yes,he is The light at the end of the tunnel.i have only one chance to live.who doesn’t?i found Jesus.and never in my life have i felt regret after that.the walk with him i enjoy.the love with him leave me breathless and just amazed over n over again each day.thr r too much needs out thr..may God saves…

wee~am back on track.finally feel alive again.praise God fer His grace!am jz grateful dat He’s a faithful God!gonna start sch real soon.after all d nip n tuck after results came out.finally,everything begins to fall into place.puzzles start to form a comprehensible draft.just a sense of peace.well wad do they always say..God’s ways are always above our ways n dat He shall show us wad we do not understand..mm how true is dat!hehe..gonna study again!feel like wasting my young life doing meaningless routine everyday..hehehe…excited bout it though real intake only starts in sept.yum..tho its jz studyin angmo 1st its ok with me.hehe..reli glad.

不需要甜言蜜语

不需要任何承诺

不需要海枯石烂

不需要天长地久

不知道方位

不晓得沧海

不懂得桑田

不清楚起点

不需要终点

不应该犹疑

不断地前进

不顾虑明天

不忘记昨天

不放弃今天

只要珍惜

活在当下

不留遗憾

展望将来

把握所有

学习交托

爱

永不止息

也不至窒息

哈哈！＝P

加油！！！

一直执着着

把心门封闭

直到你的介入

是害怕受伤害

完全封闭自己

一点的耐心

海似的容量

你把我手里

紧握着的过去

和自我

软化了

所执着的

没勇气回首的

也没办法走出的

开始平伏

取而代之的

是平安

虽参杂着许多不为人知的恐惧

很莫名

但很微妙

一层层地

开始懂得邂下

一直不敢说出真心话

不是因为嫌弃你

而是因为

自己还没预备好

去真正相信

那是摆在眼前的事实

今天突然有感触

心急了

不想再让历史重演

错过了

那永远不能挽回

不能让时光倒流的痛楚

和遗憾

不愿再尝了

到底是不是试探

雾里看花

当感情冲昏头的时候

明智的决定

应该是走出框框

旁观者清吧

是啊

是应该如此

每次不都是这样办吗

今天第一次

有人的名字

在心里鹤立鸡群

和往日有别的是

只有积极

没有消极

是何时开始

有个灵体

渗入了我的心

是何时开始

那已经冷化被封锁得紧紧的角落

再次绽放出

一丝丝的暖意

怎么办

是错的时机

但是

我好像

真的喜欢你了

woo hoo!finally today get to restart my rusty engine on my head!start my lecture today.we had english dis morning.jz realized how my language standard has deteriorated!bad bad sign..but it is surely a good feeling to sit in a class again.=) today we had assignments allocated to us d.=.=” i think it is 2 5000 words essays n some other works to be done.had the urge to shout:have mercy~~~~dis is 1st day for goodness’ sake!haha..but swallowed dat in.1st day mah,everybody shy shy1.gahahaha…the class aged between 18 to 22/23.lecturer is mr joseph,an iban if not mistaken.who plays heavymetal=.=!!!~ n said if u slp before 12am,if u don smoke n drink, ur a bad college student.*roll eyes*.think he was just trying to earn sum acknowledgement amongst us.but he’s a nice guy.n we had a textbook!yawns..parking was a problem.how can they put ticket chrge infront of a COLLEGE!!!put it infront of places whr rich ppl work like insurance company or sth instead.haha.penniless college students are d wrong target dude.thk God mbks is just down d road.n of course!mcd is also just a bend fr col!hehehe…wad an ideal life..above all.no more uniform.but nw gotta think wad to wear avday.nw gotta save sum pennyfer an b.mm..hungry~

so i wonder since ive helped gone thru d difficult part.can i rest now?

am exhausted of all the demands.they never end,do they?i mean,ive really forgotten my purpose and direction.

just lost.

i cannot find it no matter how i try.just need some time here.

to recuperate and refresh my memory.

find what ive left behind along the way.

lost and found.gotta find it back.can the lost and found centre help?i think not.but if anyone..just anyone..can,he must be God.returning to the secret place of prayer.

its a long long way.and who says stopping is backwarding.its just silence.so deafening.so mind-numbing.to go in deeper.or to retreat.nobody says its gonna be easy.but nobody says its gonna be dat tough either.

just tired

and needed some rest and quietness

wow so many thgs2pen down.1st thg ive got my results!HEHE!weird…maybe ive reli grown up or sth…din fl any nervousness at all!haha…or because i stil had trauma i oso dunno….jz a day b4 results came up,i fell from abt 12ft high monkey bar…tot i was gonna die or sth..ya nw thinking back dat wud b d case if i were to land on my head or spine,if not die oso become vege d hahaha…anyway reli praise God he cushioned my fall,did feel pain of cz…my right leg numbed…1st thg i tot of was if it broke i cant even touch ball anymore…n DAT RELI SCARED ME!well,after all d terryfying screams n shock…i tin avbd else was more shocked den i did,cud imagine blood draining outa dem.sighs..well d docs said im perfectly fine phew~jz nd bout half mth2heal hehe…cant remember clearly wad happened actually tin i was a bit dizzy d wen i fell…well!as a results..my pork leg become elephant leg.my fren teased me n said luckily it din turn into DINoSAUR LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!creative huh.gahahahahaz~n finally!!!!!!i can totally REST!starting to discover dat im a workaholic like jing jing…cant stop jz cant stop…work til my last drop of energy…haha…hrmm…sth 2 b learnt…n bout results,not perfect score but cukup makan lal!hehehe…din actually wana become doc…loved d busy life n fame but……doesnt suit my personality.its a humbling process…haha..so yeah,cant imagine myself studying wen ppl r having holidays.2 years of form 6 wic i term as pseudo-med years r enough2me.i wana enjoy my life in uni,playing sports for uni n travel n travel n more extreme sports…hiakz..til someday i feel tired n wana become normal n quiet by dat time tin i graduate d.eheheh…life is fun n full of colours~ ~ for d past 2 months my house was like a hotel…only got time2drop by n bathe at home…deserted my tv fer long time d…hahaa..n reli guilty cz din reply frens’ msgs cz d fact dat im a scatter brain,by d time i have time 2 reply thr wud already b lotsa msgs coming in n i tend2forget d ones downstairs…haha..its easier2find taib mahmud than i my fren said…jz an exaggeration.anyway…today i turn 20!!!!not quite ready fer dat but yeah…hehe…slowly taking up responsibilities n learning to become an adult? =P cant wait to enter uni! =) miss d time of information input at sch avday…tho hafta wake up so early..hehehe…wont go2malay states not cz i racist but cz i don wana hav2wear baju kurung avday2class!yaiks!yeah~stil have 3 months 2 play =) happy.

another 1.past it ho.hihi =D got an answer.wic was faster den ive expected.a relief.man kinda stuck with words.too long x go sch.hiakz.wanted to go singapore to study but after looong cinsideration decided to stay on.haiz.quite reluctant at first but after some deep contemplating,think it’s the better way tho mayb not best.hihi =) after 17th gonna b single again.gonna enjoy a HOT nice holiday.perhaps a tour,perhaps a language?perhaps…..ah,so many possibilities n unknowns…guess that’s wad makes lyf so fascinating…

sighs.dis word.not bout mahathir’s book but a woed dat perfectly describe my feelings rite nw.about the future.about the 3 important choices i have to make rite now.1 about continuing my work.2 about furthering studies.now a bit impatience cz d dateline is near.now is d time dat i am reli dumb founded on how much i could give myself away to the Lord.now in church it is emotionally numbing moments with so many need demand.it’s a difficult task to get my head clear whether or not its a calling or just myself.on dis side i just wana leave n pursue my.on the other hand i need to sacrifice if it is true dat it is His calling,but knowing that i will get what my mind could never imagined,far better than what i could think of,in the end.a struggle of the heart.really.the waiting is really torturing.perhaps yeah like she said,i should reflect upon my relationship with him..hah!don care 1st hehe.off the heavy feelings.cny was great great great until….im down with bad flu n fever.hahaha…visiting cg members house since 1st day til 6th day nonstop no bluff…fun though tiring..c how ppl’s life are…understanding sometimes just becoming a silent listener will do…of course with lotsa nods n ah eh eeh…my heart reli pours for them wen i start to enter deeper into their family life…n makes me appreciate my family more n more.now even wen i speak i make sure i don speak rudely to my parents…smile smile smile…sometimes i just took my dad for granted…d fact dat im closer to my mum hahaha…even wen i wake up if i c my dad ard il ask him whr mum is….ouch!d time i spent in other kids’ house during cny reli lets me sit down n reflect on my love for my dad.he is just amazing….always open n 100% loving…dat is wad love is i guess…no matter how bad i am he is just there supporting…not supporting d bad stuff i do but acc me through all dat always in my shoe never demand any love returned…wen the whole world don understand wad im thinkin or doing…he’s stil thr,not putting blames not accusing…just watching my back n lets me noe that he’s always thr no matter wad…always welcoming me home after a coarse road outside…even wen i throw my tantrums it’s ok with him.he’s just a perfect man,a mature man…rare species…respect.hahaha…at one point i reli cant find a reason y im in dis cg..hahaha…i stil dunno but jz gonna let it be…doing wad i can….n now i just need a real long rest…to unwind n clear my thoughts…it’s a new year after all..NEW year…a more challenging BUT rewarding year.ptL